It’s potential – Leave it!

I’m a big believer in getting out what you put in. Unless of course it’s a bank balance, at which point I am a fan of Dylan Moran and the understanding that you always have less money than you think you do. And personal potential – ‘It’s potential- leave it!’

But there I digress from today’s Daily Prompt. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, do I agree? At which point I say yes. When I approach the day in a positive way I find that it goes better. That isn’t to say that the day is perfect and I can skip through it like Julie Andrews – but it is easier to face the little hurdles or the giant mountains that are thrown at you, because you start off in a better place. This also isn’t to say that being positive is easy. It can take a lot of energy – especially first thing in the morning before I’ve had some coffee!

There are definitely some days though when I feel that honestly, I can’t be bothered to be super happy. There lies the struggle, the forced effort to push myself into a better day. I can always feel my emotional feet dragging at that point and it’s tempting to just let the gloom pull me down, to wrap myself in that blanket of ‘bleurgh’. If I’m honest, sometimes I let it get the better of me and I might even go a few days of being in a foul mood which usually will lift on its own. Sometimes though, it takes a really good laugh with friends or Mr L to push it all away.

But the thing to remember, that I always hang onto is that everything changes. Tomorrow will always be different and unless you can predict the future or have a magic crystal ball – you don’t know how it’s going to be or what’s coming. It might be a train-wreck or it might be beautiful, we just don’t know. But either way everything is always changing.

In terms of beauty, I think you have to be in place to appreciate it. When there’s that inner glow you can see the world and the people in it and their myriad beauty. If you’re feeling like you want to wrap a duvet over your head and sleep for a month – you’re less inclined to notice things around. Beauty is in the eye of those able to search for it but everyone needs a little reminder sometimes that the world is enormous despite the globalization that the internet has bought us.

Everything is going to plan – Panic!

So this is an update. Hello world! I feel as though I’m emerging out of a cocoon of books, writing, endless of paper with red, purple, blue scribbled notes.

I’ve finished and submitted my MA thesis. Party!!!!

So excited!

And yet…

Scared.

I remember handing in my undergraduate dissertation. I spent the week before it was due scrambling to pull 8000 words together in library. I would swipe in at midday and force myself to write at least 1000 words and then as I inevitably didn’t get that done, by the end of the week I was locked in a private study room until I’d finished the entire thing!

Then I was sat in the library with loads of time to spare the morning the assignment was due. It was beautifully formatted and I had two hours to print, bind and swipe it through the electronic system. I decided to casually browse through the requirements one last time. 8000 words to be handed in, including footnotes. What? Including footnotes. What?! PANIC! Suddenly I have just under two hours to remove 2000 words from my carefully crafted, painstakingly edited dissertation. 2000 words of content and footnotes to remove. Editing, re-formatting, re-reading and hoping that I find all the now half-words and cuts and manage to make everything into a proper sentence again once I’ve gone through with a brutal delete key! 30 minutes to print, dash around the library to find someone from the ‘unhelpful-desk’ to help me use the weird spiral binding machines. Which no-one knew how to use. They were like a dusty alien lifeform, left over from the 1970’s.

I had to run up six flights of stairs to swipe my student card in time. I managed it- just!

The ultimate lesson in how not to finish writing your dissertation.

Much beer was had in celebration.

And then I came back for an MA.

Hand – in this time was not traumatic. It was quite lovely. I was given a cookie by my tutor.

I’d managed to finish writing up a few days early. I spent three mornings re-writing an accompanying critical piece (I have never, never written a draft essay before this! I have to admit, they’re not wrong when they advise you to go back with fresh eyes after a few weeks. Especially if, like me, feedback consists of: ‘needed proof-reading’. Followed by my red-faced realisation that some of the sentences are not sentences and the odd word is missing. Just missing. Not miss-spelled or grammatically incorrect (my undergrad suffered from that) – missing. Anyway, essay was re-done commas’ were moved, reading aloud completed.

And I had a whole day and a half before going to print.

It was printed.

It was bound.

It was handed in.

Where is the panic.

WHAT HAVE I MISSED?!

Nothing. So far, honestly – I think all my hard work has just paid off.

Now I can return to my blog. Hooray!

*dusts shelves & generally spruces up the place*

Just as a further update. My cousin Alex is fast approaching his 8th adventure!!!!!

Good luck to him and the rest of the adventure crew.

Especially the little pony who would. Daisy. She’s going along for this one. I can’t wait for the posters.

I now go to celebrate with a more sophisticated beverage than my undergrad allowed.

10 Day Challenge: Day Two – 10 Confessions

10 Day Write Blog Challenge Daily2

Well this is frightening! My second installment of the Blogger Challenge at Hunters Writings, but here we go…

  1. I love to write when it’s raining outside.
  2. If I can find it, I wear a bandanna when I write, it keeps my hair out of my face so I can concentrate on the page.
  3. I never feel as though I’m making something up, more that I’m uncovering a story that’s already written. I put down the words, but it feels as though I’m actually just scraping back dust, on words that are already written.
  4. Need caffeine to write. To wake up, to function as a human in any kind of capacity. Preferred intake is coffee. One giant mug of milky coffee, with a couple of sugars, just to the right.
  5. Coffee goes on the right, so that as a left, I’m free to write with pen and paper whilst simultaneous drinking delicious beverage.
  6. I’m not very good at keeping up to writing deadlines, and writing all the words that I should in one day.
  7. I feel as though my vocabulary is leaking out of my brain, day on day, week on week. I fear I know less words now than I did last year!
  8. I enjoy making my reader cry – well, it’s a sign of emotive response isn’t it! It’s a horrible thing, but strangely gratifying that you have manipulated your readers emotions to that point.
  9. I don’t understand vowels. Why are they never in the correct order?
  10. Writing is the essay that you put off to the last minute, but there’s no deadline and so it can slip away like sea from the shore. But it never leaves. It’s a buzz in the back of my mind, a frustration of repeat failure, that I’ve NOT gone and written what I wanted, or put the time in that I needed to.  It’s the homework that I avoid every night. But, when I actually settle down, coffee in hand, pen in another – I love it.  I start to slip away from the world and drift in the land I’m writing. I can see it happening as I write it. It’s like trying to watch a movie and write down what’s happening at the same time, but I get to be the director too. I float through the words and I can’t see away from the page or screen. It’s a blissful, exhilarating experience, and then the coffee runs out, or I get a cramp in my neck and I’m back. I get up, and suddenly, it’s the homework I’m avoiding again.